Today will be a day I do not forget. It was a difficult day, and a painful one, but one that is part of the inevitable circle of life. There will probably be some of you who do not agree with my sharing of this grief publicly, but when it comes right down to it, we all do the best we can to deal with internal heartache, and this is my way. This is me, giving sorrow words and bidding my heart not to break.
This morning, I stood in the same hospital room with 4 generations of men, James III, IV, V and my brave, teenage son, James the VI and I let myself cry, which perhaps gave them permission to do the same. Why, oh why... do we send the message to men, that it is not okay to cry? It was a moment that was beautiful, even in its sadness, and I will not forget it. I was holding the hand of the man who is directly responsible for the two men who were standing on my left and the young boy who is nearly a man, on my right. They are my family. My men. All of them. And they are men of their word. Solid, strong, rock steady men of their word.
It won't be long now. He is surrounded by his family, who loves him dearly. His last grandchild arrived early this afternoon and I know he was waiting for her. We're home now and my husband is asleep on the couch, my son downstairs doing the same. The little ones are with their grandmother, this house is dark and quiet and I am lost in my own thoughts as evening slips in and cloaks the day. This life is such a blink. Such a fast blink. Am I making it count? I am so blessed to have had this man in my life for 25 years and I am amazed at how quickly those years went by. There are so many memories housed within that timeframe for me. I can only imagine, what it is like for my husband, who had almost 48. When he said the words I love you we always knew he meant it. That will carry on as the next generation steps up. What a legacy...
This home is only temporary. I know that. But he is not. He is not temporary. Where he is going is eternal. Grandma is waiting for him there and he's really been missing her. There is no doubt in my mind that she will welcome him with open arms and that beautiful smile. Pretty sure she's been missin' him a whole lot too. Guess it's our turn now to do the missing.... but we got to say goodbye and I think that was such a blessing. One we have missed with some others, so many others we've lost through the years.
My family, I love you. All of you. I know every one of you is hurting as much as we are and I am so glad I got to hug so many of you this morning. I know there will be more in the coming days. The love in this Delmonico clan is a great gift and one that I treasure so dearly.
This morning, someone I love sent me this passage and it meant a lot to me so I'll leave you with this:
And so it is... that I will continue to sing! xo Roni